Episode 21: Single Motherhood By Choice In Private Practice with Jamie Silvers
Empowering Choices, Building Confidence, and Enduring Resilience
Hey, everyone! It's Ashley here, your host from the Raised to Empower podcast. I'm excited to dive deeper into the important and inspiring conversations we had in Episode 21 with the courageous and insightful Jamie Silvers. We covered so much vital ground about single motherhood by choice, navigating fertility treatments, managing a private practice, and preparing for maternity leave.
Jamie Silver's Journey: From Music to Mental Health
Jamie Silver’s life is a testament to resilience and passion. Before embarking on her path in social work, she spent over eight years managing singer-songwriters in the vibrant world of the music industry. However, her calling led her to earn a master’s in social work from the University of Southern California, focusing on families and children. Her experiences with depression, anxiety, fertility issues, and self-esteem led to a flourishing career in helping others navigate similar struggles.
Deciding to Become a Single Mom by Choice
Jamie’s decision to become a single mom by choice is as empowering as it is courageous. At 39, she chose to use donor sperm after wrestling with the idea of starting a family without a partner. This conscious choice paved the way for her to prepare emotionally, financially, and logistically for a journey that many might find daunting.
Navigating Fertility Treatments
Jamie’s route to motherhood included intrauterine insemination (IUI) and in vitro fertilization (IVF), using eggs frozen at 35. Throughout these treatments, she was simultaneously managing her private practice, which added another layer of complexity to her journey. Jamie’s story is a powerful reminder that resilience and determination can lead to extraordinary outcomes, even in the face of significant challenges.
Transition to Private Practice and Flexible Work
The move from group practice to her solo practice was significantly influenced by her desire for flexibility. When the COVID-19 pandemic hit, Jamie quickly transitioned to telehealth, launching her private practice in 2020 and fully transitioning by 2021. This leap not only offered her the work-life balance she needed but also allowed her to cultivate a practice focused on perinatal mental health.
Preparing for Maternity Leave
As a 1099 contractor, Jamie faced the daunting challenge of preparing for maternity leave without the conventional support that often comes with employee benefits. She meticulously prepared her clients for her absence and offered temporary support options, maintaining communication via text or email. Remarkably, Jamie took 10 weeks off for her first maternity leave and only 5 weeks for her second, highlighting the often underestimated importance of adequate support systems for single mothers.
Pregnancy Disclosure and Client Reactions
Navigating the intricacies of pregnancy disclosure with her clients, Jamie emphasized the sensitivity required, especially when working in perinatal mental health. Clients generally reacted positively to her news, appreciating her openness and the temporary arrangements made during her leave.
Emphasizing Self-Disclosure and Building Confidence
While Jamie maintains appropriate boundaries, she does believe in sharing personal experiences when it's beneficial for the client. This was particularly true during consultations on third-party reproduction, where her journey served to ease clients' experiences and build a stronger connection.
The Power of Support Systems
Jamie’s 'village' of support includes her nearby mother, sister, and long-term friends, underscoring the importance of surrounding oneself with reliable and supportive people. She also connects with other single mothers by choice through social media groups, advocating these platforms as valuable resources for camaraderie and encouragement.
Advice for Aspiring Single Mothers in Private Practice
For those considering single motherhood while managing a private practice, Jamie advises initially working in a group practice for stability or opting for insurance to ensure steady income during the early stages. This pragmatic approach helps mitigate the financial uncertainties that often accompany solo practice.
Workshop Announcement and Closing Thoughts
And don't forget, I'm hosting a free online workshop on July 12th about preparing for maternity leave while in private practice. It’s a fantastic opportunity to dive deeper into these practical considerations and equip yourself with the tools and confidence needed. Sign up at raisedtoempower.com/maternityleave!
Thank you all for tuning in and supporting this empowering journey. If you haven’t yet, subscribe to our podcast, leave a review, and join our Raised to Empower Facebook community. Keep empowering yourselves and others around you!
Warmly,
Ashley
Transcript for Episode 21
[00:00:00] Ashley Comegys: Hey listeners, this episode discusses pregnancy, fertility treatments and single motherhood by choice. Please take care while listening. You are listening to the Raise to Empower podcast. I'm your host, Ashley Comegys, a licensed clinical social worker with a multi-state online therapy practice. I have a passion for empowering women and mom therapists to break free of the fear, overwhelm, and oppressive systems that hold them back from taking action and building the private practice of their dreams.
[00:00:32] My goal is for you to boldly believe in yourself as a clinician and business owner. If you're looking for a place to learn, practice, building, strategy and skill, while also claiming your own power as a woman and a therapist, then you are in the right place. Welcome to the show. Hey, listeners, welcome to the Race to Empower podcast.
[00:00:52] This is the third episode and a special series that I'm doing this week about preparing for maternity leave in private practice [00:01:00] and just acknowledging that everyone's journey to motherhood and parenthood is completely different. I am doing a four part series this week about maternity leave and private practice, and in each episode I'm talking with a different woman about her experience in journeying to motherhood and navigating private practice.
[00:01:17] Some of these episodes we're discussing pregnancy loss, fertility struggles, adoption, and single motherhood by choice. And today is part three of that series. If you haven't listened to the first two episodes, if you check your podcast feed, you can go back and listen to them if they are ones that feel, um, applicable or appropriate for you.
[00:01:40] And if you are preparing to welcome a child you're currently pregnant, or in the adoption process or whatever phase you're in, as you're journeying towards motherhood and you're wondering how to take maternity leave in private practice, what to prepare for, and all the other important details, I'm hosting a free workshop on July 12th.
[00:01:57] Where we'll go through all the details [00:02:00] to prepare from maternity leave, including talking with clients about your leave and setting yourself up financially for taking time off. You can register for this free workshop@raisetoempower.com slash maternity leave, and you can check the show notes on this episode for the link.
[00:02:16] My guest today, Jamie shares with us about going through fertility treatments as her journey to become a single mom by choice. She opens up about how she reached this decision and how she prepared herself personally and in her practice for her maternity leave. Here's our interview together. My guest today on the Raise to Empower podcast is Jamie Silvers.
[00:02:38] Jamie earned her master's in social work from the University of Southern California with a concentration in families and children prior to embarking in the mental health field. She worked in the music industry for over eight years. Managing singer songwriters and rock bands. Music has always been an enormous passion of hers.
[00:02:56] Jamie Ex experience and interest includes working with in [00:03:00] individuals and couples suffering from depression, anxiety, infertility, postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, self-esteem, and relationship issues, including all forms of grief and loss. After living in New York City for six years and then Los Angeles for nine years, she moved back to Pennsylvania in 2016 to embark on her greatest journey as a single mother by choice.
[00:03:22] Jamie, welcome to the
[00:03:24] Jamie Silvers: show. Thank you so much for having me, Ashley. I'm really excited
[00:03:28] Ashley Comegys: to be here. I'm, I'm excited to, to chat with you today and to learn more about your experience of your journey to motherhood and how that has shaped your work in private practice and, and your maternity leave. I always like to start out with guests of just kind of finding a little bit about your background of how you got to private practice, how you got to the, the world that you are in now in therapy.
[00:03:53] Jamie Silvers: Yeah, no, absolutely. So, um, ba you know, per your introduction, I, my former [00:04:00] life was managing singer songwriters and bands and music's always been a huge passion of mine. And I can say this kind of jokingly, but in a way I was kind of like a, a free therapist for my clients all these years. Um, cuz I pretty much worked for free.
[00:04:15] Um, and then, you know, just circumstances have kind of led me to. Want to shift years and what I wanna do with my, with my life and my future endeavors. And I've always loved helping people and. Um, therapy and counseling and just being that support system. So while I was living in Los Angeles, I got my master's in social work.
[00:04:38] Knowing that I wanted to go into private practice at some point, um, I did social work because I figured it'd be, make me potentially a little more marketable. Yeah. Depending on which direction I go. But the one, you know, the one thing that was always missing for me personally, as much as I've lived a very.
[00:04:57] You know, grateful and fulfilled [00:05:00] life is that I've always wanted to be a mom and have a family, and I didn't. I just hadn't met that person while I was living in Los Angeles. And I remember kind of just making that decision that as much as I'd love a partner, I wanted to be a mom. More. Yeah. And as a woman, time isn't always on our side Right.
[00:05:25] As far as, you know, indefinitely being able to conceive. So I ended up moving back to Pennsylvania where I have support from family and I figure, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this. I'll, I'm gonna, you know, uh, I used, uh, donor sperm to conceive my kids. And, um, where it comes to private practice, I just realized that.
[00:05:50] While, you know, embarking on your own as like a solo practitioner definitely is risky and scary as any, you know, starting [00:06:00] a, a business Sure. Would be. I was really excited about the, the flexibility. Yeah. And I figured that would be, um, the, the smartest option given that I would be doing this on my own.
[00:06:15] Yeah. You know?
[00:06:16] Ashley Comegys: Now, were you already in private practice or had established a practice prior to going through the process of trying to conceive? Um,
[00:06:26] Jamie Silvers: no. I actually was, when I moved back to Pennsylvania, I worked at two group practices and so I was even still at that group practice when I was trying to conceive and they were aware that I was going through fertility treatments and.
[00:06:42] You know, I was also, as a group practice, I was a contract worker. So, you know, as a 10 99 employee, you know, you're not really a, an employee, right, right. As far as having, um, certain benefits. Right. That one would as a w2. Um, but again, you also [00:07:00] then have the, the flexibility, you know? Um, so yeah, I was in a group practice until I had my, um, my daughter in, in 2017.
[00:07:12] And it actually wasn't until everything kind of shut down with Covid in 2020 and we were, you know, forced to go and, you know, into doing telehealth that I kind of had this like, you know what this is, this is the time to Yeah. To kind of branch off on my own and try. So you were
[00:07:30] Ashley Comegys: still with the group practice for a while then even after your daughter was born?
[00:07:35] Jamie Silvers: Yeah. Yeah. So I joined the group practices in about, in. Yeah. 2017, like so even a couple months before I had her. Yeah. Um, and I was with them for a few years and then in 2020 is when I really, um, ended up kind of starting to build my own practice. But then 2021 when I had my second, my son when [00:08:00] I officially left the group practice.
[00:08:01] Yeah.
[00:08:03] Ashley Comegys: So this will be, this will be an interesting conversation cuz we'll get to hear what does this look like for you with a group practice in your maternity leave and then solo. So as you were working with the group practice and preparing for, okay, I'm going to be having a baby, you know, I'm gonna be having some time off, what did that look like for you in making choices for yourself of what do I want maternity leave to look like?
[00:08:30] And then in talking with clients about that, Yeah,
[00:08:33] Jamie Silvers: no, absolutely. That's a good question. I think, you know, being a a 10 99 employee, it did make it challenging because it's not like I have built in maternity leave, right? Where a lot of practices, you know, you have your F M L A, even though we're entitled F M L A, but you know, as far as not having that, um, um, You know, automatic time off.
[00:08:55] Right. You know,
[00:08:56] Ashley Comegys: um, or even the short-term disability. Or short-term [00:09:00] disability.
[00:09:00] Jamie Silvers: Yeah. So we didn't, um, necessarily have that, um, option Yeah. At that time. So I kind of knew going into it that it was gonna be shorter, you know, as much as I would love the 12 weeks off. Sure. I kinda had to prepare myself to, um, you know, Save up as much as I could or know that I'm gonna have a shortened maternity leave, especially, you know, knowing that I'm doing the solo.
[00:09:29] Um, yeah, so I think the main, the main thing for me was just kind of preparing myself mentally. That's not gonna be the most conventional way, you know, taking that time off.
[00:09:40] Ashley Comegys: And what did you find, like, or let me back up. How much time did you end up taking with that first round of maternity leave? Um,
[00:09:49] Jamie Silvers: the first one I took about, um, 10 weeks.
[00:09:54] Okay. Off. And I did prepare my clients for that. Okay. Um, [00:10:00] going into it and everyone was, you know, you know, handled it pretty well given Yeah. The circumstances. Yeah. Um, and then, For the second, because I was, you know, fully in private practice then, and it's a lot different because this was also in 2021 and I was all virtual by then.
[00:10:20] So on one hand most of my clients couldn't even tell that I was pregnant. Right. That they were just seeing, you know, from like yeah. Shoulders up. Um, but when I finally let them know, to be honest, I only took about five weeks. Ok. And it probably was not. Enough time that I, that I should have. But I also, since I was the sole income provider, I didn't really have much of a choice, so I kind of had to prepare myself.
[00:10:48] It was gonna be a really short leave.
[00:10:50] Ashley Comegys: Yeah. Well, and I was curious about that because I know like for those who do have a partner, that there is privilege in that that, okay, you do [00:11:00] have someone else that. It may be tighter, but that there's at least the possibility of another income coming in versus if you are venturing into motherhood as a single parent or single mom by choice, that you don't necessarily have that to fall back on.
[00:11:18] And I wonder how you prepared yourself for that, or if you, and if you have recommendations for others who may consider this.
[00:11:25] Jamie Silvers: Yeah, I mean, I think. But you know, they say it takes a village. Right? Right. And it's not even just the financial village, but I think it's just preparing yourself to have whatever emotional and social and or financial support you can.
[00:11:40] Yeah. In any capacity. I find it interesting, and I think of this as just perspective, right. You know, I went into wanting to be a solo mother. Let me back up. I would love to have a partner. Right. But I also made that choice that, yeah, it was more important to me to have a [00:12:00] child. So I kind of went in with that mindset that I'm gonna do this on my own, with or without somebody.
[00:12:05] Yeah. So I can't rely on other others other than having your support system. Right. Yeah. But I think it's interesting when I meet with a lot of my private practice clients, they do have partners, or when they go into. Um, raising a child or having a child together, the expectations of one another as far as like, you know, I, you know, would assume or expect that you're gonna put in just as much effort that I do.
[00:12:34] And then the disappointment or resentment that they feel Yeah. When they are seeing that in their partner is from, from my experience, you know, I go into it. Knowing that I have to handle it all on my own anyway. Right. So it's like, I think when it came to kind of the financial aspects of maternity leave or the responsibilities, it was that mindset of like, [00:13:00] you know, I appreciate any help, but I know that I can do this on my own.
[00:13:04] Ashley Comegys: Versus that you kind of prepared yourself for that.
[00:13:08] Jamie Silvers: Exactly. Yeah. You know, and, and again, with like the financial piece too, you know, Course having more money would be Sure. Helpful. And you know, but at the same time, I kind of, whatever I could do to prepare myself in advance. Right. Whether it's however, savings or knowing that I'm gonna have to make certain adjustments.
[00:13:31] Right. Um, when it ca when it came to having the baby. Yeah. Just so then I felt the most in control. Right. For something that was kind of outta my control.
[00:13:43] Ashley Comegys: Well, and knowing. Like if you know that, okay, there's not that other person that I can depend on, it can help you, whether it is in parenting or in another situation, right.
[00:13:54] That we can, okay, I can adjust my mindset, adjust my approach so that I know what I'm gonna be [00:14:00] preparing myself for. And so, yeah. When you're venturing into motherhood without that partner, then yeah. I'm sure that there was a lot of work for you of just mentally and physically preparing for what is this gonna look like?
[00:14:11] Jamie Silvers: Yeah, absolutely. And I, and I think if anyone, you know, I, I do work with a couple single mothers by choice and you know, I think it's also preparing themselves as they're getting closer and closer to taking that leave of, yeah, building their confidence. You know, we don't have a manual when we have a baby.
[00:14:34] Right. But it's like building their confidence. It's like, I went into this and I can do this. The partner's wonderful, lovely. But I don't need the partner Sure. In order to, um, you know, be successful or take care of a child or Sure. You know? Sure. I think it's kind of, what is that expectation? Yeah. Going into it.
[00:14:56] Ashley Comegys: Now I know from some of the stuff you've shared with me before, [00:15:00] we, we met today that one of your children was, um, conceived through I v F and one through i u i. Yeah. And I'd be curious if that was a process that for you being in practice and working with clients at the time, if, if there was any stuff coming up for yourself in while you're working with maybe clients who are either.
[00:15:23] Having babies or themselves trying to conceive and what that was like to be going through that yourself while also holding space for others?
[00:15:32] Jamie Silvers: Sure. Absolutely. I mean, so when I did, when I did IUI for my first, I was, um, 39, so I was like on the older side per se, you know, but, um, you know, the doctor thought there's no reason why I couldn't get pregnant, so let's just try a ui.
[00:15:50] And it, and it did. Work on the third try. Okay. So like, you know, I, I, under, I get that there is that kind of grief and the rollercoaster of emotions that go [00:16:00] through when it's not successful, the first, you know, two tries. Um, but in the grand scheme of things, it, it was pretty seamless. I don't know if that's the right choice, the words to say that, but, um, it was, you know, it, it wasn't that challenging.
[00:16:14] Mm-hmm. And at the time, I was not working with, Clients in that, um, population. Okay. Um, so I didn't find that there was any kind of parallel or, or, or challenges, you know, as far as, um, going through conception. Yeah. With my son, um, is when I did IVs and the reason why I did IVF with him is I was also in my early forties by then.
[00:16:45] And I had frozen my eggs when I was 35. Yeah. Cause I just, it was, you know, my very expensive insurance policy. Sure. I wanted a ba a baby someday. And so my fertility doctor was like, you should use your 35 year old eggs. [00:17:00] Um, he was like, okay, let's do it. Um, and I used the same donor for, for my son. I was working with one or two clients then that was struggling with fertility and it definitely was.
[00:17:14] Challenging at times. Yeah. Right. Because it's like, I'm, like you said, I'm trying to hold space for them and I'm, I feel like as clinicians, you know, we try to do our best to kind of hold that space, but also compartmentalize, right. And not have like the counter transference happening. Right. If you're going through this, a similar journey.
[00:17:34] And so there were moments where some of my clients were struggling with fertility or loss while. At the same time I'm either trying to conceive or pregnant. Yeah. And they also didn't know I was pregnant.
[00:17:48] Ashley Comegys: Right. Because you're all virtual at that point. So it was all
[00:17:51] Jamie Silvers: virtual seeing. Mm-hmm. See, I was pregnant.
[00:17:54] So I feel like I kind of just try to, when I see my clients, you [00:18:00] know, just do my best as, as, you know, a human to just to hold that space for them. Yeah. And, and be, you know, Start where you know where they're at right to, to support them in their journey, regardless of what I was experiencing at that time.
[00:18:17] Ashley Comegys: And I think that's such good advice because I, I know a lot of times, regardless of whether we're working in perinatal mental health, which I know you and I both work in that space, sharing the news of a pregnancy with clients can be, it can feel uncomfortable in some ways because it, it is a personal thing for us, right?
[00:18:36] And what we're taught is like, don't disclose personal things, but. Like in many ways you can't hide it. Right? And you also do have to have a conversation of this is coming up right, and it's something in my personal life that's going to impact you as my client. And maybe I wouldn't normally disclose things, but this has to be disclosed.
[00:18:57] And how do I do it in a way that's sensitive [00:19:00] to you? As the client, but also recognizes that I have my needs and that those are okay too.
[00:19:06] Jamie Silvers: Right. And especially if that client is, you know, struggles with perinatal or postpartum anxiety. Yeah. You're kind of, you know, have been supporting me up until a certain point.
[00:19:17] Right. And then, right. Just kidding. I'm gonna leave her,
[00:19:20] Ashley Comegys: yeah. Five weeks. Yeah. Yeah. Or even in working with clients that aren't in that space. You know, I've worked with clients when I've had maternity leave in the past where this wasn't necessarily an issue that would impact them because of attempts to get pregnant or motherhood or parenthood for them.
[00:19:41] But they've struggled with abandonment issues and now my therapist is leaving. Right? And so how do I, how do you have those kind of conversations? Even if. Perinatal may not be the population you're working in. How could this impact those clients in another way too? Yeah,
[00:19:58] Jamie Silvers: absolutely. And and for the [00:20:00] most part, I found that when I did give the news, especially with my, my one year old, they took it very well.
[00:20:07] Yeah. You know, I gave them that option of like, I can offer you temporary support, you know, I understand if you need me to refer you out, or do you wanna wait? And I, and I think it, you know, it wasn't as difficult for. Some of them, just because I didn't take a lot of lea I, I didn't take a very long leave.
[00:20:24] Yeah. I also, while I probably should have set, you know, stronger boundaries for myself. Okay. I also kind of kept my door open in the sense of like, you can reach out to me anytime. You know, I didn't mind continuing, even if we didn't have a virtual session, they could always text me or email me. I didn't mind continuing, you know, communicating that way until I.
[00:20:48] Officially came back. Do
[00:20:49] Ashley Comegys: you think if you could go back, you would do it that way again? Which way the, of like letting them like that door being open, even while you're on that maternity [00:21:00] leave, do you think you would still have that? Yeah. Yeah,
[00:21:03] Jamie Silvers: because I, I, I don't feel like anyone really took advantage of that, rather was kind of, you know, bombard, you know, bombarding me is the structure of the word.
[00:21:11] Right. But like, you know, no one, if someone reached out, I didn't mind, you know? Cuz I think especially with therapy, you know, we've developed this, you know, relationship and therapeutic rapport that, you know, I didn't mind connecting with them or, you know, helping them or supporting them however they needed, even if.
[00:21:30] I wasn't officially back in the office,
[00:21:33] Ashley Comegys: so yeah. You, it sounds like you felt like you were in a space able to handle that free, like yourself in a space where you were able to Yeah. Where some, some women, after giving birth or having a new baby may not. B, like I know after having my babies, like I am not in a space to really be able to have that door open because I'm just trying to get from one moment to the next.
[00:21:58] Absolutely.
[00:21:59] Jamie Silvers: And I think if [00:22:00] I were in a, if I had been in a different space, I would've, um, I do feel like I would've communicated that to them. Yeah. And I think I did acknowledge, you know, I don't know how it's gonna be, you know, we don't know how Yeah. What birthing experience is gonna be was or what postpartum is gonna feel like.
[00:22:17] And, you know, I did not experience, um, postpartum depression or anxiety with my first, or didn't know if I would with my second, you know? Yeah. So it was kinda. You know, they understood that it was a, let's play it by ear. Right. But think I would've communicated if I was struggling as, as far as, you know, continuing to connect or needing that.
[00:22:41] Yeah. That space.
[00:22:43] Ashley Comegys: Well, and I think that's a really important point too, to highlight that we don't know what our postpartum experience is gonna be like. Right. Right. And where you may think I'm gonna be okay because I felt okay after this baby, but after the next one, it's a different [00:23:00] experience. I know I had postpartum anxiety with.
[00:23:03] After both of my, um, sons, but it looked very different and mm-hmm. For the first one, I definitely wasn't in a place to hold space cuz I was solo parenting for several months. The second one, I just, the anxiety was really exacerbated and so yeah, being able to, I think, have that conversation ahead of time with clients of this is what I'm anticipating, but it could change.
[00:23:27] Right. Right. Like, I'm anticipating taking six weeks, but I will have to, you know, let you know if. It's gonna be extended or, you know, if you can reach out to me, that kind of thing. And it's okay.
[00:23:38] Jamie Silvers: Exactly. And that's pretty much what I did. I mean, I said, you know, I'll be, you know, ideally back on this date, I'll let you know if for some reason I'm feeling ready or Okay before then.
[00:23:52] Right. You know? Right. And then we kind of just, you know, I'm, I'm grateful that everyone was also, you know, In a, in a good space. [00:24:00] Sure. And flexible that they were able to kind of ride that wave with me.
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[00:24:55] Jamie Silvers: Hey, hey, bang.
[00:24:59] Ashley Comegys: I am [00:25:00] curious for you because again, I think a lot of times, especially, Again, going back to kind of self-disclosure and, you know, in pregnancy, like even if, if you're especially seeing people in person and you are making a choice not to disclose your pregnancy, like your body is going to give it away eventually.
[00:25:17] Sure. If you're pregnant. And so I know that for some women, like they're very comfortable and open with sharing about kind of their experience or even their birth and that kind of thing with clients. And I'm curious for you if. Disclosure of, I'm journeying through motherhood as single mom by choice. If that is something that you've chosen to disclose to clients or to say, Nope, I'm going to keep that as something that is my own information and, and how you've navigated that.
[00:25:47] Yeah.
[00:25:48] Jamie Silvers: And that's an excellent question and I think about that all the time actually. Cuz I remember when I was living in Los Angeles, I saw a therapist for a while and I loved her, but I knew nothing about her. Yeah. [00:26:00] She was so fantastic about just maintaining those boundaries and no, like very little self-disclosure and.
[00:26:08] While there's a part of me that doesn't mind disclosing if I feel like it's appropriate for the client, right? Sure. Or the conversation, or if it would be helpful and supportive. Um, certain clients know a little bit more about me Yeah. Than others. Um, the one thing I do mention, not necessarily with my private practice clients, but I do a lot of, um, Third party reproduction consultations.
[00:26:34] Okay. For the various fertility practices? Yeah. In the greater Philadelphia area. So if anyone needs donor sperm, donor egg, embryo, yeah. Usually have to have like a consultation with a therapist. Okay. To make sure that it's, there's like the psychoeducational piece to it. Then there's also making sure that you've made an informed decision.
[00:26:52] Sure. Um, which you figure if you're going through that process, you probably have made an informed decision. Right. Right. By then. Right. Um, [00:27:00] but. When I do meet with those clients, I do tend to disclose that I have embarked on this journey of solo parenthood. Yeah. Because one, I've had that same consultation myself using donor sperm for my kids.
[00:27:15] Yeah. Um, but I also figured, hoping, and the feedback I've received is that it makes them feel a little more at ease. Yeah. Going through the process or knowing that, not that, A therapist has to, had that experience. But, you know, I have gone through ivf, I have done iui, I've used donor, you know, firm and, um, trying, hopefully trying to.
[00:27:41] Whatever question or kinda feeds that emotional rollercoaster. So what, to answer your question, when it comes to those type of consultations, I do tend to disclose Yeah. Um, in advance, um, while acknowledging that I'm not an employee of Yeah. Practices. So they know that they can [00:28:00] be honest, you know? Yeah.
[00:28:02] About, you know, what their experience is with my private practice clients. Some of them I would say know a little bit about, you know, know that I'm a single parent Yeah. Or know that I'm a parent. Um, it doesn't really
[00:28:15] Ashley Comegys: go beyond that. Yeah. And I think you have approached it in a way that it sounds like it's.
[00:28:22] Again, it's my information and I can choose to share where I feel most comfortable to, and that I don't have to disclose this if I don't want to. But also recognizing where, like with the clients that you're doing the consultations with, it almost sounds like it, it humanizes the experience a little bit more.
[00:28:39] Like they're not alone and that No, I understand what you've gone through or what you're going through. Right. There's
[00:28:46] Jamie Silvers: connection there. Yeah, absolutely. Cause I think for, um, for some, you know, it depends on if they're a solo parent or if it's a couple and one, you know, needs to use, uh, a donor. You know, just kind of [00:29:00] the, the, the grief and loss that comes with Yes.
[00:29:02] Not being able to use their, their DNA to build their, so build their family. So, yeah, kind of like you said, like validating that experience and, well, I. Didn't have to experience that in order to support them. I've, I've found that kind of disclosing that has, has brought a, a bit of ease in, in the.
[00:29:26] Conversation
[00:29:28] Ashley Comegys: for you. Going back to one of the things you were talking about in how you planned and prepared to journey into motherhood as single mom by choice, and then also the realm of I'm also working for myself and I have the freedom and the flexibility and the independence there. You know, you talked about the village, which is so important and I think so many.
[00:29:49] People lack in many ways. And I'm curious for you, what does your village consist of? Like who are the people or the services that are [00:30:00] there to support you, especially when you don't have that partner to rely on?
[00:30:05] Jamie Silvers: Absolutely. I mean, my village, and I'm so grateful that my mom lives 10 minutes away. Mm-hmm. I mean, as much as I loved Los Angeles.
[00:30:16] I didn't have a village like that there. Yeah. I have friends there, but, you know, my, my mom, when I was talking to her and telling her that I was gonna, I was thinking of doing this, she was like, if you want help, you need to move back. Like, okay, fine. Yeah. So my mom has been an unbelievable support, um, as far as just, you know, babysitting and helping with the kids and, and being so physically close by, and I recognize that not a lot of.
[00:30:45] Parents, you know, even if they have a partner, necessarily, have a grandparent. Local. Right. So she has been, and, and I have a sister who's local as well. So like, she has been supportive. Um, yeah. [00:31:00] And my, my close friends, they're, they're my village. I'm very lucky and love that I've can, you know, stayed in touch with friends since elementary school.
[00:31:11] Ashley Comegys: Yeah. So, yeah. Do you have any advice or wisdom if there is somebody who is thinking of journeying into, you know, motherhood as a single mom by choice is in private practice and maybe their village is not quite as strong going into it? Mm-hmm. Any suggestions or just advice of like how to build that up or prepare themselves?
[00:31:38] Jamie Silvers: Absolutely. I mean, I think as much as I feel like there's like a love-hate relationship with social media Yes. At times, like the single Mothers by Choice Facebook groups mm-hmm. Or a lot of the, those similar types of groups are fantastic resources and you never know who you're gonna meet along the way.
[00:31:58] Um, I [00:32:00] happen to, not even, I didn't meet them through the Facebook group, even though they're on this Facebook group, but even within. Eight blocks of me, my home. Yeah. Are two other single moms by choice. Yeah. And, and our kids all go to school together, right? Yeah. And like, you know, and that's their's, part of my village support for each other.
[00:32:21] Um, but the Facebook groups are fantastic because especially if they're localized, I'm not way to meet other. You know, other women that are going on, you know, going through this journey. Yeah. I would highly recommend that.
[00:32:36] Ashley Comegys: No, there is a love, hate, um, relationship with social media, but there can be like such amazing groups.
[00:32:41] Um, absolutely.
[00:32:43] Jamie Silvers: Especially on Facebook. And I, and I feel like. There's been wonderful resources and community, especially in Yeah, in that particular group,
[00:32:52] Ashley Comegys: if somebody is listening and they are single or they're thinking about venturing into [00:33:00] single motherhood by choice and they're in private practice, but they're wondering, can I do this?
[00:33:05] Which should I prepare for? Like, do you have any. I know like you could probably write a book of like all the steps to take, but what for them to kind of really think about or a place to begin to prepare themselves for that journey?
[00:33:19] Jamie Silvers: Yeah, absolutely. I think, I mean for my first, before I actually went into private practice full-time when I was with the group practice, yeah.
[00:33:28] I still partially work with the group practice as a small one. Um, so I think having that, um, Stability in a way. Yeah. Helped. Helped a bit. Right. Um, but I think kind of having that game plan of, especially when you start a practice, you know, there's not necessarily the consistent influx of clients. Right?
[00:33:54] Yeah. You know, it's that choice of do I go, um, the insurance route? [00:34:00] Or do I stay private pay? I currently, um, am all private pay, but I think if I wasn't at a group practice at the time, which also they took insurance. So yeah, while the split was a lot lower, you know, at least there was always that consistency of, um, a caseload.
[00:34:21] So I think if someone was just starting out, maybe start out by considering, um, accepting insurance. Yeah. And so while the reimbursement rate might, you know, be significantly less and you might have to have a higher caseload, at least, that would be kind of, you know, guaranteed income. Yeah. While you're trying to launch your practice.
[00:34:44] Yeah. That's
[00:34:45] Ashley Comegys: not a bad idea. And it would also help. You know, bring in referrals a little bit easier because people, people are prone to want to use their insurance over having to pay out of pocket. But that in all [00:35:00] the stuff you're thinking about of building your practice, I. And preparing for motherhood and trying to conceive that.
[00:35:07] The worry about where is the next client gonna come from May doesn't have to necessarily be one of the other stressors,
[00:35:15] Jamie Silvers: right? So maybe it is like accepting insurance or before you, if someone's really starting from scratch as far as starting in private practice, maybe it's really identifying what niche, you know, what specialty area that they're really interested in.
[00:35:31] Because then at least when they start to kind of do outreach or market, then they know that they can focus in on that serendipitously or just because of my personal experience. That's kind of how I ended up in. Perinatal mental health just because of my own journey. But I, and I, and I love working with this population, but I think it took me kind of having had all of these experiences mm-hmm.
[00:35:56] To lead me here. So maybe if someone's thinking about [00:36:00] starting a practice and embarking this on their own, you know, it's like what area or population would I wanna focus in on? Sure. And then they can. You know, that's how they can market themselves.
[00:36:12] Ashley Comegys: Well, and I also think too, when you are working with that ideal client or that ideal population, it makes it easier to leave your baby because you're going back to work in a space that you're like, I like work.
[00:36:27] I enjoy working with. These people. Right? And if it's absolutely it's clients that you're like, oh my gosh, I don't wanna have to go talk to, to these people or work with these people because it's just not the right fit for you. It does make it a lot harder to come back then.
[00:36:42] Jamie Silvers: Absolutely. You know, you're right.
[00:36:44] It's like find what you're, you know, what brings you a smile on your face or what you feel like you'd be passionate about. Yeah. You know, and, and then kind of hone in on that. Yeah. And, and actually it's funny cuz I was looking over your, you know, [00:37:00] all your various podcast episodes like I was telling you earlier, and even, um, you know, like working on your seo.
[00:37:08] Yeah. You know, I was just like, oh, that's a good one. That's, yeah. You know, that's important as far as how are people even gonna know that you're there and out there. Yeah. Yeah. If you're, you know, Don't have a background in marketing. Well, SEO can make a huge difference, you know, so it's like, I think kind of identifying where to put your time and energy Yeah.
[00:37:28] When you're launching your
[00:37:29] Ashley Comegys: practice, so that way it's set up, and it's not that it runs itself, but like you've got this well-oiled machine kind of built and going. And that, that, again, that doesn't have to be one of these worries and stressors for you as you're, you know, journeying to, to motherhood. Yeah,
[00:37:47] Jamie Silvers: absolutely.
[00:37:48] It's, it's a lot to think about for sure. Yes. Yeah.
[00:37:52] Ashley Comegys: Jamie, anything else to share with our listeners? Those who either work with this [00:38:00] population are working with single moms by choice, or who are considering this as their path to, to parenthood? Anything to share with them? Last minute thoughts?
[00:38:11] Jamie Silvers: I just think that if, you know, if you've been thinking about doing it and that's where your heart.
[00:38:17] You know that like don't think twice about it and you know you have it in you to accomplish anything, even if it's on your own. Absolutely. Yeah.
[00:38:32] Ashley Comegys: Well, I just wanna acknowledge and thank you for sharing your story with us today. I know this can be a place of vulnerability and for just opening up your story to us, and I hope that for listeners who are considering this as a journey for them, that this is something that they'll take away.
[00:38:51] I really appreciate your time today.
[00:38:53] Jamie Silvers: I hope so too. Thank you so much for having me, Ashley. Appreciate it.
[00:38:58] Ashley Comegys: Thank you again to Jamie for [00:39:00] sharing her experience of becoming a single mom by choice and her journey through fertility treatments with all of us. And if you're anticipating taking maternity leave and private practice soon or in the future, be sure to register for the free workshop I'm hosting called Planning for Maternity Leave and Private Practice.
[00:39:15] You can register@raisedempower.com slash maternity leave. Thank you for listening to today's episode, and be sure to check your feed tomorrow for part four and our final episode of this series. Thank you so much for listening to the Raise to Empower podcast. Check the show notes for all links and resources mentioned in the show.
[00:39:37] If you found today's episode helpful or inspiring, be sure to share it with your therapist friends, and don't forget to subscribe to the show and leave your five star rating and review. It truly means so much to me and will help us get our message of empowerment out to other women and mom clinicians, and I'd love to connect with you in our Facebook community.
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